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Working the Kinks Out of Love

Have you ever wondered what happened to the good old days?

Let’s talk about those sexless relationships….. Do you know how to handle them? We all go through our dry patches.  If someone tells you they have been in a relationship for a few years and they are still “kicking it” like it is day one, well they are probably misinforming you. Okay let’s call a spade ~ a spade, they are lying to you.

unhappy couple in bedroom

Just like men have envy of the little friend below, we have relationship envy. We all look at other couples and think they have something that we are lacking in our relationship. But before you start fantasizing about your girlfriend’s sheets, think about it, the grass is not always greener on the other side. She might be happy because she has a toy shack in the closet that requires a continuous supply of double A, C, and D batteries. We will dog out our spouses about a lot of stuff, but we rarely tell others when they stop curling our toes and making us cry “Oh Big Daddy” in the middle night.

So let’s discuss spark!

Are you feeling like there is no spark between you and your partner anymore? Why do you think that is? Has someone told you that or did you decide that you are not as pretty, sexy, fun, or have as much energy as you did when you were younger?

If someone told you that, all I can say is…… Don’t listen to him. It is not all your fault. We know that men have egos when it comes to their little friend and like to deflect the blame onto us. Don’t buy it! That is one guilt trip that you can leave on the clearance rack.

Self-esteem and keeping it hot in the bedroom go hand and hand. So, if you are feeling low and not sexy then you are not going to feel like romping it up with your man.

But on the other hand if you have been blocking the one eye man, then you need to check yourself as well. You cannot block and complain.

A Beautiful Body is a state of mind!

Voluptuous plus size african woman lying in bed

Most of us were lucky to be a size 0, 3, 5, 6, 8, or 10 in our life time. If you are past your twenties, thirties or forties, chances are you are not as thin as you use to be. That is fine!

You are not expected to be. I have always believed that sexiness is a state of mind even when I was sporting a size 6. I have seen people who were a size 24 and found their sexiness intimidating. For women, it is all about how you care for yourself. It is about your attitude. If you feel good about yourself everyone else will feel the same about you. Have you ever noticed that people treat you how you perceive yourself? Victims are always victims. Mortars are always mortars. Your state of sexiness is no different. If you have started wearing your great, great grandma night gowns to bed and you have a “Mister, just roll on top of me and do your business” attitude. That is what you are going to get out of your relationship.

When you look in the mirror and you don’t see a sexy attractive woman, do you ask yourself why?

Clothing, make-up, chipped nails, or not making time for yourself could be part of it. I believe that you can increase your sexual attraction in a relationship by putting a little effort into yourself. I don’t think it is about the tummy that you have been fooling yourself you are going to reduce for the last fifteen years; it is all a state of mind. If you feel sexy someone will find you sexy.

Human bed sex

The truth is increasing the level of intimacy in your relationship takes work from all parties involved. And, I hate to tell you friend but sexless relationships and marriages are UNHEALTHY. We are sexual beings and we are meant to be out there and do our thing. I am not advocating cheating. I am advocating trying to make it work at home.

So this weekend, as you crawl in your sexless bed, it is time to turn the tables and get some sheets wrinkled a little bit. You are going to strip the bed on Saturday morning anyway so why not do it with a smile.

So will you wrinkle some sheets this weekend?

Remember! You are a sexy gal. You don’t have to be a size 6 to get things moving at home. You just need to find your inner sexiness and have fun.

Always Believe in Yourself, Cynthia

About cynthiatw


  1. You make a great point here and I love the advice you give! And girl I haven’t seen a size 6 since I was 13 years old LOL. :)

    I always try to keep the spark going in the bedroom. With both our busy schedules we make it a point to find time to be together. We may only have 30 minutes to play but I’m sure gonna make it the wildest 30 minutes I can, without waking up the kids of course :) !

    We promised each other one getaway every month. We drive down to the beach and spend the night. Nothing major, just us reconnecting in all aspects of our relationship without the kids, the dogs, and the bills. :)

    Loved the post! Hope you’re having a great weekend hon!
    Corina Ramos recently posted…Check Out My Guest Post at Tackling Our DebtMy Profile

  2. Ahh yes we are lucky if we get it around here twice a month my hubs works 6 days a week and only off on Sunday. I am with kids 6 days mostly by myself so on Sunday’s I am out by myself so we do a lot on that one day he is off sex is normally a quickie then off to bed to start the week. I think it depends on the schedule of each individual.
    Kita recently posted…Closet Fashion FixMy Profile

  3. Hey Cyn! I’ve discussed this on my blog as well however, a sexless marriage does not mean it’s doomed. You need to look at today’s statistics. Sometimes both partners are working full-time jobs or all different hours and shifts. As we get older, we lose some of our energy. Sometimes timing isn’t right especially if the partners are working two different shifts in order to make ends meet, however, the intimacy is still there, just not the sexual act. Or you have a partner who is up in the wee morning hours, comes home of a physically strenuous day, eats dinner with his/her partner, and retires to bed early because he/she is plumb wore out. The timing again is just not right and it may not be right for months on end yet the relationship still works.

    There are also health reasons that could come into play. I’m hear to tell you, and I might be the only one in thinking this way, but if my man was unable to perform or lost is tool, I still love him enough that I wouldn’t divorce him.

    I might be a minority in my thinking and I’m fine with that however research I’ve done doesn’t say sex or non-sex is the end to all. There are many other ways to be intimate imo.

    Interesting post. I’m sure you’re gonna get a bunch of differing responses to this one. :)

    • Hi Bren,

      I want to address the most important point that you made in your comment. “A sexless marriage does not mean it’s doomed” You are correct. Research and reading, does not have anything on the human heart. There are a lot of relationships that survive without intimacy. I am not an advocate of cheating or leaving your relationship because one component of it is not functioning as you would like. When you love someone, you look at the whole picture when you are making decisions about your relationship.

      Like you Bren, if things were not working in one department, I am not sure that I would make a decision to leave the relationship. I would have to look at the whole picture before making a decision. Since we are all individuals, there are no two solutions that are exact for each situation. There is only food for thought if you are having similar problems that you will need to put your personal spend on to make it work for you.

      There are many reasons why people don’t have a sex life. Career, lifestyle or even medical reasons could play a factor. This is merely one small one. Unfortunately, some people find themselves in situation where self-esteem plays a large role in how they approach their relationship and for those you need to find a comfort zone with who you are.

      I love that you are a champion for the commitment that you made to your spouse and the love you share verses reminiscing about past triumphs.
      Cynthia recently posted…Planes, Trains, Automobile and Hot WeatherMy Profile

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