Every parent has a different discipline style. Who is to say which one is wrong or which one is right? I don’t judge parents who spank because it is not my child and I don’t feel that I have that right. As you roll your eyes, I am not talking about beating. That is abuse and a topic I am not qualified to discuss.
Growing up as a child, spankings, or (as they would say in the south) whippings, were the norm in most households that I knew. I have to say that I probably got a few beating as well over the years. So, I am a little sensitive to that subject.
Believe it or not, you could even get a paddling at school. I remember, one fateful day, I got a paddling that left a scar. I think it was more race-related than a discipline. But, that’s a story for another time and day.
Before I had a child, I was clear that spankings were something that could not, would not be a part of my household. I thought I would be super mom. I would be able to reason with my husband, the dog, the cat, the toddler, and most strays that crossed my path. I knew I could do it because I would be
SUPER MOM!
(Pictures of the Righteous and World’s Best Household Problem Solver)
Let’s fast forward to present day. I am not supermom and there are days when I wish I could trade my entire family in for a coffee and a muffin.
Once you realize that you are not super mom and the little people running around your house are not the angels that you tell everyone they are, how do you discipline?
In my household, I am still not really a spanker. I don’t see that it serves much purpose except to raise my blood pressure and cause tears. We are still faced with the issue, whether it is picking up toys, talking back, or just plain not listening.
I have tried spanking on several occasions but a swat on the buttocks does not really work in my household. It is just a temporary fix for a larger problem.
I have tried a lot of things in my house: Toys away for a week, cancelled play dates, no ballet lesson, no friends over, no desserts just to name a few. NONE of them worked!
But, just like my child, I am no quitter. I have continued to try various strategies. At last, I have found the two sure things that will get my child in line. Some of you might think this is cruel and others will think it is a waste of money and resources.
What does work in my household is recycling. Yes, folks! I recycle. I have a chart on my refrigerator. I give the number of warning per age year. In our case, it is six. At the end of the warnings, I get rid of one toy in the house until the task is complete. And I don’t get rid of a toy that has been sitting in the corner for months; I get rid of one of the toys in the pile that I have been asking my child repeatedly to tidy. And once again, no, it is not a little Barbie shoe; it is one of the bigger toys.
So far, we have recycled a Barbie camper, Corvette, cuddly toys, and a Nintendo dsl. And, no, I do not replace them. While I am sure some of you are thinking this is extreme, I have noticed that my house is better run since I have started to recycle. It is not nearly as cluttered.
We’d love to hear from you. What is your method of discipline? What works in your household?
About Cynthia Tolbert-Wilson
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I am 100% against spanking. I just think that it is a means of teaching your children at an early age that it is okay to hit when you are angry. Think about it, you punish them when you are upset they did something wrong, so you child learn that it is okay to hit when they are upset.
Hi Ronda
I know that spanking is not a good thing with everyone. It does not work in my household. Thank you so much for your opionion. I agree with you that some children could see this as something they need to implement in their playtime but I think that with every parent when it comes to dealing with anger in our children we can not automatically assume that anger is linked to spanking. There maybe other issues that a pareent would want to seek professional help to resolve. Thank you so much for different view on this subject. I see that a lot of people has some really heated views and we welcome them all.
I personally believe in spanking. I know it is not the popular things to say. That is what works in my house. I don’t do it often but even the threat of it worst because when I do give one it is a memorable one. I know that people say try time out, try taking something away, I don’t have hours to go on and on about the crime. I need to nip it in the rear and move on with my day.
Hi Morgan,
I understand that spanking is common in some household and I know that you have a reason for looking at this style of discipline and thinking it is best for your home. I respect that decision. And you are right sometimes the threat of being punish work better than implementing the actually punishment.
Cynthia,
You and I have had many discussions about this and you can not bring me to your way of thinking. I think spanking is the way to go. You are just wasting money and time. You might not replace that items but you will eventually buy something that will replace so the chidl things he or she wins. Just my thought as I have told you.
Hi Jack,
You and I have discuss spanking alot and you know how I feel about it. I will say that I have not tried your ways but it is just not for me. I can see how you see that she is playing me for something new but I don’t think that her palate for being calculating is that developed yet. I think I have a few more years.
Cynthia
hi!,I love your writing! I need a specialist in this house to solve our problem. May be that’s you! My children are out of control when it comes to listening, picking up stuff and talking back. I know that I created the demons by allowing them to get away with it in the first place but I will have to say that I need it to change. My husband and I totally disagree when it comes to our discipline styles. He yells, I cry but we both have agreed that spanking is not the answer for the children. I like your idea of just getting rid of something but I would just replace it. Good on you for having the courage to stand up.
Hi Yolanda,
Discipline is really something that you need to agree on. And my household is no different than yours. We have a difference of opinion on what warrants discipline and to what degree. Hang in there. Try to see down with your spouse and come up with a plan.
Cynthia
I love this article. This is wonderful. I am not a huge fan of spanking but I am not against it. I will have to say that throwing away good stuff is a waste of money. I will take something from my child but I will rarely throw it again. Have you considered giving it away instead. I think I would bring the rod out before I would go to the expense that you are going through right now. I understand that you are seeking somethng that works but throwing away things is extreme. It is a good article. I do hope you intend to write more of these types of articles. Thank you for this interesting content!
Jordan
Hi Jordan,
I will agree with you that my method is extremely but it is the only thing that is working and since I don’t replace things. I think she is learning the value of picking up verses mommy recycling.
Cynthia
My child can be a recipient of those toys. Do you have a bike? lol , I think I can follow your strategy and implement it on my home.
Hi Mika,
I wish you were closer. Maybe we could trade toys. I am so surprised at how successful it has been. It is 8:25 pm here, she has picked up her doys and put them in the basket without asking. I know this is extrem but nothing else was working.
Cynthia
I have to say that I believe in spanking. Not beating but spanking. I think that sometimes it is the only way to get your point across. I think that children should have boundaries. I understand your thought but I don’t see anything wrong with a tap on the rear when things get really out of control.
Hi Thomas,
I am not against it. It is just not the right form of discipline for my child. Some of my closest friends have your view and I respect what works in their household.
Spanking is a sensitive subject. Everyone belives differently as to if you should spank or to what degree. I think you are opening up a can of worms.
Lincoln,
I will agree this is a sensitive subject that I love we can discuss it openly.
Cynthia