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Do You Maintain Friendships?

college friendsHave you noticed; the older you get the harder it is to make a good friend? Have you noticed that your friendship has dwindled to just a few or none?

Over the course the decades, it appears that it is harder to make good friends. When we enter into your 30s and 40s, we have more quality conversations and life is not all about the superficial twenty something none sense like the designer shoes or your foreign overpriced sport car but the quality of relationship that we build seem to dwindle. In midlife, it appears the days of the best friend or the long chats with your girls and a glass of wine have hit some sort of fatalism. Even the number of birthday and Christmas cards that you send out are few.

When we were basking in our twenties, we could not image going a day without speaking to our B.F.F or gettingĀ together for an occasional dinner or drink. It did not matter how tired we were, we would make the time for our friends. Once you hit midlife, you are lucky if you call once a quarter.
young beautiful women drink tea and chat homes

Are We Neglectful?

As we grow older and have more responsibility, it seems only natural that life would get in the way of friendships. And let’s face it; once you allow life to get in the way of friendships, it is difficult to get over the hump of rekindling our yesterday companions and incorporating them in our new found commitments. Most of us would not see this as neglectful; you would see this as moving on with your life. We often don’t see the reduction in our friendship pool as neglectful until we have a crisis and realize that we cannot pick up the phone and call anyone because we have not spoken with our friends in several years. At that point, we often wished we had stayed in touch with good friends.

Does coupling reduce your friendship pool?

Have you ever thought about what a relationship will do to friendships? Let’s face it, when we enter into a romantic relationship most of us get a little neglectful of our friendships. It is just a part of the mating process. The more time you spend with your romantic partner the less time you have to spend with your girls. Some people try to keep a healthy balance and maintain the friendship. But once the relationship turns into a marital union, a lot of people start to look for other couples to become friends with so they can have the best of both worlds, time with their partner and outing with their friends. Also, when people start coupling and one partner does not like a friend of the other one; it is hard to maintain that friendship. It is not that you care less for your friends; it is just that your intimate relationship is something that you have made a commitment to secure.

Many hands together: group of people joining hands

Maintaining Friendships in Midlife

We all know that friendship changes after you get married or have children. With a relationship of any type, there is a decrease in the available time and a shift in your priorities.

We all know that friendships are important. Friendships provide us with the support that we need in our day to day lives and help us to not feel alone.

Maintaining friendships take time and effort. Learning to balance that time between your daily priorities can be tricky.

Have you been able to maintain your friendships?


Always Believe in Yourself, Cynthia

About cynthiatw

12 comments

  1. Wonderful post Cynthia!

    I have about 8 ladies who I’ve known for more than 10 years. Every month we get together for dinner and catch up with all that’s going on in our lives.

    It does take work to get together. We have different schedules and sometimes end up rescheduling but like Lisa says it’s so worth it. Facebook also keeps us in touch with each other in between our dinner dates :)

    Have a great week!
    Corina Ramos recently posted…Monday Work from Home Job Lead Madness 062413My Profile

  2. Great post Cyn! It’s hard to keep in touch with friends when people are constantly moving, looking for other social groups, divorcing and finding new friends to hang with, and many other reasons. I have a select few I hang with every now and again but it’s hard with everyone’s schedules. Most of my friends are over 1.5 hours away from me as well. See I moved around a lot in my younger years and became distant. Now that I live downstate and most live upstate, it’s hard for get togethers so we depend on social media outlets.

    It’s a difficult world when people are working nights and weekends and you’re the one working day shift. I also find it a tad difficult for those who have kids are I can’t truly relate to them anymore, as well as there are the ones who are afraid to come to my house because of Titan.

    Very tough I think but somehow you find those select few that manage.
    Bren recently posted…Are Your Blog Comments Decreasing?My Profile

    • Hi Bren,

      Titan looks like he is a get you know you boy. And if he feels you are a good person he might let you hang out for a spell. I think dogs are beautiful and love to play with them at other people’s home but I don’t own one. Mostly because I know they require a lot more work that I know that I can put in and I don’t like being outdoors.

      I have move around move of my life since I was 13 years old. I have lost contact with a lot of friends. Over the last few years I have met some really great friends. I do understand what you are saying about moving, it can really challenge a friendship.

      You are right it is a difficult world because it is very nomadic, unlike most of our youths.
      cynthiatw recently posted…Do Little Things Matter?My Profile

  3. I understand this so much as I am getting into my early 30′s I am starting to lose friends most of my friends are single and I am not they also don’t have any kids and I do so its hard to keep the same friends we just have nothing in common anymore. Most people I come in contact with already have a group of friends and don’t want to add which I can understand that. I also don’t have any friends where I live most of them are in other states so that makes it harder. I think as you grow and live different lives things you use to do you don’t do anymore its a part of life.
    Kita recently posted…Beef and NoodlesMy Profile

    • Hi Kita,

      I think you are a military spouse. Being a military spouse is tough because we do form little protective groups. I have notice since I did not have my child until I was 37 that I have lost a lot of my friends because we did have that one thing in common. No child, career, and over 35.

      I really hope that you have one good friend that you can keep in touch with even if you don’t see each other daily.
      cynthiatw recently posted…Is Name Calling A NO-NO ?My Profile

  4. Such a great topic. I have a wide circle of friends, and the relationships I have with those people vary greatly.
    There are those I see/talk to once or twice a year and it’s all very superficial but pleasant. There are others I see/talk to once or twice a year with whom, once the niceties are processed, we delve into deep, rich, satisfying discussions as though no time has elapsed.
    My closest circle of friends, those with whom I’m in weekly, if not daily, contact, is the smallest portion, and the most rewarding. We are careful to schedule time together regularly, whether in person or over the phone in conference calls, because the relationships are worth every ounce of effort.
    My intolerance for superficial relationships continues to grow by degrees as I age. Even when I meet someone new, I’m the one who tends to jump from “It’s nice to meet you” to questions like “What’s something in your life that you’re passionate about?” with “Why? Tell me more” for follow-up. What someone does for work might be interesting, but it doesn’t tell me who they are as a person. That’s what I really want to know these days.
    So, yes, I maintain and invest in – with great passion – relationships of depth with my loved ones. :-)

    • Hi Ellen,

      Being a military spouse, you develop a lot of superficial relationship. I will say that more of the people that I have met over the last 23 years have been in that category because everyone has an agenda that stems around their spouse career. So when I meet someone who is wonderful, I like to get to know them as much as I can until I realize the relationship is not going anywhere and then I tend to back off. Because I have spent a couple of decades with superficial relationships, I find that I don’t have as much time to waste on those type of relationship anymore. I really want the connection with friends and I am willing to put in the effort.
      cynthiatw recently posted…Are You Nothing?My Profile

  5. We were just talking about the volume and quality of friendships that we have. I find that most of the people that we have as “friends” right now are people that WE listen to about their daily struggles and chronic issues and when we continue the conversation with OUR struggles and issues, the conversation moves back to them and theirs mid sentence. Is that really friendship? Friendship is an exchange of information and spending time with people that make you feel good when you are around them and that YOU make feel good.

    I find that as I get older, it is definitely harder to find engaging people that fit that description.
    Laurie recently posted…Get off the fast track to disease by doing this….My Profile

    • Hi Laurie,

      It is really hard to find a good friend. Over the course of my life, I have known some really good people but finding a good friend is really hard. Living overseas for the last three years has taught me a lot about who my friends are. I am so grateful for this experience but it will change how I approach relationships and who I will allow into my intimate circle.

      You are correct, you will find a lot of people who look at friendships and think it is great but it is really a one sided exchange. As I get older, I will say that I have fewer people in my life like that. I tend to remove myself from situations that make me feel as though I am a doormat verse a valuable member of the friendship.
      cynthiatw recently posted…Do You Maintain Friendships?My Profile

  6. Great topic Cynthia, I have 3 friends from 30+ years that I see regularly still. We get together for birthdays, dinners and walks. It’s great. Love them to death! I have one friend from when I was 10 that we lost contact and I recently emailed to no avail. I feel bad but I’ve always been the one to contact her and if she doesn’t respond, I’m done. (I also send xmas gift and never heard back.)
    It does take time to maintain these friendships but it is SO worth it.
    Lisa recently posted…Bring Your Website Back From The Google WrathMy Profile

    • Hi Lisa,

      That is awesome. It is so hard to maintain friends when you have a lot of responsibilities. I love that you still get together for the important events. I have a friend that I love contact with as well and would love to find her again but have not been successful. I hope your friend is okay.
      cynthiatw recently posted…Do Little Things Matter?My Profile

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