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Forced Celibacy. Is that really your excuse for Cheating?

Forced Celibacy, Cheating Really Man!

Everyone knows that I can be a little outspoken about what women should be doing in relationships. I know that it can anger some of you beautiful women out there.  But just for the record, I am the same way with my bros. 

Couple undressing

Last weekend, I was hanging out with some of my boys and the subject of women came up.  I know no surprise. You are right; we love to talk about the women in our lives or the women that we would like in our lives.  The subject of cheating came up.  Folks, I am a liberal boy so I do believe in to each as own for the most part.  But………..

Let’s discuss cheating!

My bro has been having a relationship with someone in his office for over six months.  It is true, I don’t live in his household so I don’t know his wife outside an occasional social event here and there but I don’t feel that she deserves to be cheated on. 

“Man that is just wrong?”    

 

“I am not getting it at home that much anymore.  She is always too tired.  She has a paper due.  The kids need this. I was up in the middle of the night doing this.  When is my time?  I did not sign up for celibacy and I feel that I am being forced into it a little more each day.”

 

“Forced Celibacy?  Is that the only excuse you can come up with for being an idiot and risking your family?”

I cannot tell you what else I was said to him because I have to keep my words g-rated but I will tell you that I think that is a crock of crap.   No person deserves to be cheated on regardless. 

In my younger days, I will admit that I was a dog at times and I have cheated on a girlfriend or two but a marriage that is sacred.  Cheating is not an option.  In a long term relationship once  you are in your late 20s and you are smart enough to stop thinking with the stupid head and use the one at the top of your body, YOU SHOULD NOT CHEAT.  It is not right!   Cheating is a cop out for being too weak to deal with your issues head on.

private parts

Do you know what cheating does to a woman? 

It breaks her down.  It makes her question her self-worth; it destroys her ability to trust us.   It makes men like me work a little harder to gain trust.  It makes them bitter and revengeful.

Now for those of you who are saying women cheat as well. You are right just as I have cheated. I have been cheated on and it did not feel great.  

What I have learned from my years on Earth, if I get to a point where cheating is the only option that I can think of, I get out of the situation.   It is wrong of me to be responsible for the demise of someone else because I could not keep my willy in my pants outside of our relationship.

What is your opinion on cheating?   Acceptable behavior if you are not getting it at home?  Or is it a “hell no” you need to let your hands do the walking if you just got to work out that magical moment until you and your mate can straighten it?

Life is about seeking out chances and knock 'em out the park!

About Edison Lawson

Hey Richly Middle Class friends, I am Edison. Heather and Cynthia has been nice enough to allow me to write some post from a guy's point of view over the next few months. I promise to try to keep them emtertaining with a life lesson behind them. Thanks for the opportunity to be a part of a great website ladies. I love comments. So please feel free to jump in there or on me if there is something that you don't like. Looking forward to hearing from you all you out there. Edison

17 comments

  1. when a person cheats – male or female – it’s a reflection of their true character. sex is the scape goat, but when you drill down and get to the root of why the person is doing it, it all boils down to insecurities, selfishness, and disregard for commitment. that’s my two cents.
    miss donna recently posted…fashion blogging lessons | break the rulesMy Profile

    • Miss Donna,

      I really appreciate it. Edison has your same view. I think cheating is a deal breaker to him. For me, I have to look at all sides. I am not saying that I will stay in the relationship if there is cheating but I will have to look at the root cause and see if there is anything as an individual I could have done to make this person feel this way.
      cynthiatw recently posted…Oh My, look at the Size of that Thing!My Profile

  2. Your friend is all about getting sex. This is not about what he is missing at home. If was about that he would spare his wife the pain. I have been married for 12 years. My wife and I go through highs and lows in our relationship. But cheating is not an options. Your friend is a jackass!

  3. Thanks for replies, Edison and Cynthia. I think if your mate strays the first person you need to look at is yourself, because there is obviously something lacking in the relationship. (Either that, or he/she is a sex addict.) Definitely, a frank discussion would be in order, because communication is the key to any successful partnership. Having a regular “date night” where you are together without outside distractions is important to keep those flames alive. I wrote a guest post for Bren on this very subject. No links allowed here, but check out “How to Sustain a Love Relationship” over at My Girly Parts. One must have the capacity to forgive, because we all make mistakes in life.

  4. Cheating is wrong but so many do it men and women. I have been cheated on in the past and cheating can be mental too. I think you should leave but I also think that men and women cheat for different reasons. Men are just looking for something new while women cheat with their emotions. Date night is important and having time to be together is very important.
    Kita recently posted…Social Media Kokoas WayMy Profile

    • Hi Kita,

      Cheating is wrong I will agree with you. Sorry to hear that someone has treated you wrong. I agree with you that women probably do more emotional cheating than physical treating. Women tend to go for things they lack in a relationship verses things they want outside of the relationship. I know that you all will you look for over ways to compensate prior to hitting the hay with other person. I respect that. I will agree with you, having time with your partner outside of the family unit is a good idea. It sounds like you have some healthy ideas to keep that spark alive.
      Edison Lawson recently posted…Forced Celibacy. Is that really your excuse for Cheating?My Profile

    • Hi Kita,

      I think that you said the most important thing about date night. Spending and making time for your partner helps curve a person’s need to step outside of the relationship. I will have to say that I have been guilty of the emotional cheating a little bit. I really had to check myself on that one. Sometimes I think we get caught up in it because someone is paying more attention to us. So I am not careful about leaning too much on my male friends when things are not perfect at home.
      cynthiatw recently posted…The Best Revenge on Your EnemiesMy Profile

  5. Interesting post. I too tend to view others’ lives from a liberal standpoint and don’t want to pass judgement, especially if only one side of the story is available. I was raised in Europe, where sexuality is definitely more liberal, less “sacred” and where the occasional, casual indiscretion is not such a big affair, (pun intended). It would be a different story I think, if one’s mate has fallen out of love with you and in love with someone else. In that case, it would certainly be time to move on. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness. As for me, if I found out hubby had been with someone else, my immediate reaction would be to look inward. What was lacking in our relationship that he felt the need to do this? After 42 years together and 40 years married, there is no such thing as a “deal breaker”. I wouldn’t throw all that away for a casual moment of weakness. We are all human and nobody is perfect.
    Debbie recently posted…ADVENTURES IN DOGSITTING; CHAPTER SEVENMy Profile

    • Hi Debbie,
      First of all, Congratulations on 40 years of marriage. That is a huge accomplishment.

      I will agree with you that you should not pass judgment on other people decisions even though I will say that I did with my friend. I don’t like seeing people make mistakes that could damage not only him but his family. But I will agree that I am judging him.

      I will agree with you that European have a more liberal view on sexual activities that we do in the states. We are more black and white when it comes to have sex with someone outside of our relationship. I understand that you all look at the spur of the moment passionate one time as what it was, a spur of the moment one-time thing and you look for ways to get pass that. I respect that about you. I have buddy that grew up in other places and will often say, what is the big deal! You don’t throw away a relationship over a one timer. I just find myself as I get older that I need someone to have boundaries when it comes to sex and someone outside of our relationship. But that is a personal thing.

      When someone has been cheated on, it is hard to look at the relationship and say what could I have done differently. Normally they are blaming the other person 100%.
      Edison Lawson recently posted…Forced Celibacy. Is that really your excuse for Cheating?My Profile

    • Hi Debbie,
      I have a similar attitude as you do about cheating. I would prefer that it is not in my relationship but if it happened, I would really have to take a hard look at myself and also have a discussion with my partner.
      Cynthia recently posted…Are You Among the Walking Dead?My Profile

  6. Hi Edison! Great to see you hear again! It’s awesome to hear this kind of opinion coming from a male. You rock!

    Cheating imo has always been the ultimate deal breaker with me. I was cheated on before in a long term relationship and another relationship and it really sucks! It drains you and breaks you down. Recovering your self-esteem and letting down your walls is very hard but it can be overcome. I’ve also did a sneak cheat once or twice in a very short-term relationship and felt like crap about it, however, I did leave the relationship after doing it. I knew there was a reason WHY I cheated and it was simply, my current relationship was not right.

    Now that I’m married, and yes I took those vows, but cheating whether it be physical or even emotional cheating, is a big no no for me. If I found out my hubs was cheating on me, and I think us women all think they are at times, it would be very hard for me to stick to my vows and forgive him. I just don’t see any reason in it. Divorce me before you cheat on me, ya know?

    Very interesting post and again, great to see you here again!
    Bren recently posted…The Evolution of a BlogMy Profile

    • Hi Bren,
      Thank you so much. I love doing post for RMC. Bren, I think the difference between you and a lot of people is you feel guilty cheating. A lot of people cheat and they feel justified in their actions. My friend says he has needs and his spouse is not meeting them. I think he understands the reason but still expects her to be superwoman. He would feel bad if she found out because she would be hurt but he would explain his position. Personally, cheating is not the answer for me. I move on or discuss the issue. As you all know, I am single so I just tend to move on. You and I are similar creatures when it comes to relationship. However, I still believe that two people have to work hard at keeping the spark going.

      Emotional cheating is the worst to me. Once a person steps out of the relationship emotionally I have always felt that it will be hard to get them back in 100% and you could be looking at just a matter of time before things escalate. I know that women cheat more emotionally than men. I understand why. Women bear a huge burden in a relationship from child rearing, animal parenting, housekeeper to even adding in a full time job. So I can understand when your partner stops seeing you as a woman and starts seeing you as a fixture that you might seek that elsewhere.

      All in all, I think any form of cheating just simply does not work in a healthy relationship.

      Nice to see you again Bren. Hope you are enjoying your weekend.
      Edison Lawson recently posted…Forced Celibacy. Is that really your excuse for Cheating?My Profile

  7. Hi Ed,

    Thank you for guest posting this week. I love the post. You and I talked about you doing an article on cheating. I will have to say that I am really surprised. I did not think that your point of view was so strong against cheating. As I told you, I take a liberal approach to other people’s live.

    I am impressed that your heart says walk away verses staying and cheating in which a lot of people will stay and cheat.

    Well done!
    cynthiatw recently posted…The Best Revenge on Your EnemiesMy Profile

    • Hi Cynthia
      Thank you for having me on the site again. Cheating is an interesting topic. You and I had a long in-depth conversation about it. Thank you for keeping it real with me during our conversation. I know that you are a little more liberal about cheating especially the emotional cheating stuff. You and I have separate views on that and what is considered cheating. I think it is more of your let people live their lives approach. I respect that. As I explained I don’t believe in cheating as I suppose you don’t as well but you are a little bit more understanding in the process that it takes for a person to get there and the need to not blame the cheater 100%.
      Edison Lawson recently posted…Forced Celibacy. Is that really your excuse for Cheating?My Profile

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