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Is Dating More Than Looking Your Best?

Dating is more than looking your best, it is also the way you approach the situation.  Friends have often asked me why someone has not called them back after a date seemed to have gone very well.  There are many reasons why he did not call back and it might have nothing to do you as a person.  Not all first dates will leave to second dates for a variety of reasons.

 

“I don’t understand why he did not call me back. We had a blast.”

 I have always told my good friends that a date is about two people not just the female of the man in the situation. When it comes to dating women often feel the burden of ensuring the date goes well.  Women feel their behavior will the sole source of what will subsequently lead to a second date.  That is false information regardless of what you have been lead to believe.

Woman often look at the swallow end of what they feel will make the perfect date.  Women feel they have to be perfectly dressed, well mannered, attractive, engaging, and funny. Without these qualities, a man will cease to like them.

 

Do men feel this type of burden?

Ask any woman who has been on a date recently, and she’ll probably tell you the man seemed calmer and cooler than she did. She may even say he seemed aloof, confident, or even uninterested. Men put on this air so that women don’t know they are actually just as insecure as women, or even more so. Most men hate dating because they don’t know what to do or say. Chances are, if a man is going on a date with you, he’s rehearsed things to say or even asked for advice from a female family member or friend.

As a man, we something like to just put it out there.  Just tell the woman, here is what I like and here are the reasons I like this or dislike this.  But what men don’t always clue into with the helping a friend. Women don’t want to hear about “the one that got away” or all the horror stories of your past relationships on a first (or even third) date.

While, women don’t want to hear the horror stories of past relationships gone back, that same rule holds true for a woman as you engages her dating.  As we become seasoned and mature in the dating realm, men and women find themselves dating in all different circumstances from people who may be divorced, widowed, single parent, or never been in a serious commitment.

When a man comes into a situation especially from a break, he really tries to think about how he will approach certain topics that are sure to come up.  Dating can be just a nervous racking for a man as the female. How does he explain his divorce without crossing a line? How will you look at him when you learn he’s divorced? Or what if his divorce isn’t final, but he’s ready for a date? How does he explain that without you thinking he’s a pig?

Do Men Worry About Appearance?

Let’s face it, we are humans and we are driven by attraction.   We are not saying that you have to be the most attractive person in the world but any decent man will tell you that attraction will on go so far, you much have other assets if you are going to keep the relationship going pass that first day.

Women think they are the only ones who feel the pressure to look good at all times. Not true. Men just don’t ask women if they look fat in their clothes. Men worry about their receding hairlines, beer guts, flabby chests, bad wardrobe, and acne just like women. The added pressure for men is there is no make-up to cover some of the flaws. They don’t have all the little tips and tricks women have to mask these things. Can you imagine having a pimple and not being able to cover it with makeup before a first date?

Men also don’t want you to know about the things you don’t want them to know about. For instance: bad habits. Seriously, do you want the man you’re on a date with to know you smoke? No? He probably doesn’t want to you to know he picks his nose. He doesn’t want you to know he’s in debt, or that he’s in between jobs, or that he’s stuck in a job he hates, or that his job isn’t “glamorous.”   Society has drilled into us all that bringing home the paycheck is an important task. As a man, we often worry about how this will affect our ability to get pass that first date with someone that we would like to know better.

He doesn’t want you to know he can’t change a tire, has high blood pressure, hates cats, or play video games all day on Sundays. As you can see men are just as insecure about some of their habits as women. The difference is that men feel insecurity in a man is seen as a weakness, and women do not find weak men attractive.  We are sometime really thick in the brain when it comes to how we see certain aspects of ourselves.

Relationships are difficult to build.  They are not impossible, they are just difficult.   Men and women while they may not have the same insecurity, each one of them entering the date with some.

 

Always, Maxine Avant-Johnson

About Maxine Avant-Johnson

7 comments

  1. Dating is such a hard concept. It is nice to see things from a male prospectative. I am just getting back into the dating market. Things have changed. I have changed as well. I feel insecure about my career, the fact that I have children and the exposure that I am subjecting them too, my body, and even if dating is safe because you hear so much on the news. I know that I can not be paranoid if I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone but it is still food for thought as I look for a new life long partner.

    Karen

  2. Dating is such a huge issue when you are single or newly single as I am. I have noticed that the game has changed a lot. I am not sure that I am happy to be out here not that being in my old situation was great. It is just dating is now a hardship. First of all, it is expensive and people are really paranoid. With all the news and things happening women should be but I will see that is a barrier that is hard to overcome. You want to get to know the person but you can not ask too many question because you look suspicious. If you don’t ask a lot of questions then you appear disinterested. What is a guy to do?

    Great article!

    Chad

    • Hi Chad,

      Dating is a strange thing. It is hard to believe that getting to know someone could be so complex. I think it is more the climate with all the crime. Don’t give up, your special someone is awaiting you. Thank you for reading our site and we hope you come back for more. We have a series of articles design for our male readers over the next 60 days.

      Cynthia

  3. Awesome post! You never see people write from a males point of view. Dating is just as hard for us. When we enter into a situation, we often don’t know what we are getting into as well. And if you are single and you want a commitment then it is nerve racking to say the least dating. Well done!

    • Hi Michael:

      You are absolutely right. Dating is every bit as hard for guys. Maybe more so as there are so many ways a guy’s suggestions can be misconstrued by hyper-vigilant dates. Thanks for visiting RMC and taking the time to respond to this article.

      Regards,
      Gail

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