Let’s face it, we have all woken up to a small foot pushing up against our face, the garbage spilling over, dishes in the sink, our husband’s sports shoes at the bottom of the stairs, the pain of a hard toy piercing into the bottom of our foot, and we think, “if I can only make it to the bathroom that I cleaned yesterday, it will be a nice peaceful place to just sit for five minutes, read a book and Just Be. You rush into the bathroom and think, I don’t need a light for a few minutes, I am going to meditate in the dark. I had not been mediating previously but just for grins, I thought I would start today.
You slowly lower your bottom down only to be met by cold toilet water. He has done it again. He has left up the toilet seat. You stand up and switch on the light as though it is an emergency, toilet water glistening on your buttocks and running down the back of your legs. You close your eyes and think.
“In my next life time, I am going to marry a man who is sensitive, never leaves the toilet seat up, takes out the trash, picks up his shoes and ………”
You mumble a few other things but I will let you fill in the blank because I don’t know your hubby like you do but I know that every man “accidentally” leaves the toilet seat up a few times a month, week, day, decade?
Your perfect cleaned bathroom moment has been ruined, so now it is time to wash that toilet water off and move on with your day. You tackle the kitchen in order to get it clean enough for breakfast, take out the trash, re-clean the bathroom, organize the shoes, just in time to hear the sound of little feet making their way down the stairs. You think to yourself, “I will give him a few minutes of cartoons while I make breakfast.” You turn on the TV and it is snowing. “Look, mommy, it is snowing on TV.” You try everything to get it on. You cannot get it to work. So you finally give up, give the little one breakfast and a video on the IPad. This will give you time to call the cable company and get the blizzard on TV sorted, as the little one proceeds to sing the most annoying song ever made. Ladies, don’t pretend you don’t know which one I am talking about. THE BARNEY SONG! I know. I know it is a message of love so that is why at some point we have located the dvds and let our children watch it, as we cringed in the corner staring at the vodka bottle.
You call the cable company, wait on hold for what seems like hours, a representative who is less than happy to answer the phone comes on. You explain to her that you are having an outage in your area. Would she “happily” troubleshoot your cable and get it working. To add insult to your injured foot and toilet washed bottom, she sarcastically says.
“I can get your cable working today ma’am. The trouble that you are experiencing is due to your 2 months past due bill. If you do a check by phone, I can change those “snowy” conditions into Oprah within 5 minutes.”
You stand there, stomp your feet, think of a few choice words for the representative but keep them to yourself and then pull your checkbook from the drawer and pay the cable bill. You hang up the phone and within minutes, you hear the blaring sound of cartoons on the television. Your little one gets up from the chair, knocks his breakfast onto the floor, turns his milk over on the IPad, and runs to the family room. You grab a bunch of paper towels and begin cleaning up the mess. You find yourself repeating it again.
“In my next life time, I am going to marry a man who remembers to pay the cable bill, is sensitive, never leaves the toilet seat up, takes out the trash, picks up his shoes and ………”
You continue through your day still wondering how you got from a masters degree at Marywood to a toilet cleaning, dish washing, booger blasting, coupon cutting, chicken nugget burning, and chino wearing house wife. You sat down for a moment to ponder the memories of yester years when you hear the phone ring. You don’t have the strength to get it right now so you let the answering machine pick up. It is your husband. He forgot to get gas when he left work. He called AAA but it will take them over an hour to get to him and he is only ½ mile from the house. He wants you to go out to the shed, get the gasoline can, go to the station, get gas and meet him. If you leave right now, it will only take you 30 minutes. You put your face in your hands.
“In my next life time, I am going to marry a man, who brings me wine after the kids go to sleep and rocks me until none of his shortcomings matter ………”
As any good wife would do, you pack up the kids in the minivan and head to your husband’s rescue. As you arrive, your husband opens the door of your vehicle to greet your son.
“Hey buddy!”
Your son looks at him like he is the biggest hero in the world. You forget about all the hard feelings you had all day. You forget about it just in time to be reminded.
“Daddy, Daddy, in mommy’s next lifetime, she wants to marry a man who don’t make it snow on tv, brings her wine and rocks her until his short self does not matter. Can I be that man? I like to rock.”
Ladies, while your little one might not get the words correct, whether you know it or not, they are always listening and have not been programmed yet to keep a secret.
