Is There a Cure for the Heart’s Split Ends?

 

There is a saying: Time heals all wounds.  That is probably mostly true with it comes to physical scars. However, have you ever wondered about the emotional wounds that people received?

Do you think it depends on the who, when, and how?

Who broke your heart?   When did this person break your heart?   What did this person do that broke your heart?

What if the pain started during childhood with a relative?  Perhaps a mother that deserted you or a father that you never knew?  Is there a cure for the heart’s lesson?

What a friend betrayed you?   Or, what if a co-worker misinformed an employer about you?

What is it was a lover who cheated on you?   A husband who abused you?   A wife who stole from you?   A brother who maimed you?  A sister who lied on you?

Is There a Cure for the Heart’s Split Ends?

Scenario 1:  Pushing you from the Womb does not Guarantee you Love (Jane, George, Bob, John, and the list)

Jane was a beautiful, young woman who enjoyed the company of many young suitors.  Jane loved the company of John the most. But, John wanted an open relationship.  Jane tried her best to get John to commit; John had other plans. He wanted to break free of their small town and discover the world.  Jane continued to give John her body and heart. However, John’s visits were not frequent enough for Jane.  So, Jane also used George, Bob, John, and a list of other suitors to satisfy her sexual appetite. After all, a girl has needs!

One day, Jane heard through the grapevine that John was heading off on his new adventure.  Jane had recently discovered that she was pregnant.   John left for his adventure.  Jane had no wish to be a single mother. She decided that she needed a daddy for her baby.  So, Jane told George, Bob, John, and a whole list of other suitors they were the baby’s daddy.  And then Jane left the baby.  Secretly, she disliked the child because it did not result in what she wanted: a permanent relationship with John.

Jane travelled around the world, remarried, had more children, divorced, and lost her children to her ex-husband.  Jane decided that she hated being alone and came back for her first child.  Jane enjoyed having the child around until her ex-husband decided to remarry. Then he decided that the kids he and Jane had had together did not fit into his new life.  So, Jane tossed her first child aside again.  She had to get her other children back.  The sad thing about being tossed back was that Jane did not send her firstborn back to the loving environment in which she has been raised. She kept her around.

As time went on, Jane lashed out her hate upon the young child who was a reminder of her wicked past. She told her: “I hate you.”  “I wish you were never born.”  “You are stupid.”  She punished her by not buying her gifts for Christmas and forcing her to sit while the other children opened presents.

The young child grew up knowing that she was hated, unloved, and that she had no one.

Is There a Cure for the Heart’s Split Ends?

Scenario Two: Good Morning, Love! I am sorry I got in so late.  Barbara, Tom, Susan and the possibility of Mary

No one in Barbara’s family had ever been to college. So, you could only imagine the excitement that everyone felt when Barbara got a scholarship to a local university.  “Mom, I am going to study education because I know that I can come back home and teach.”

Barbara went off to college and got her degree in education.  As promised, she returned to her hometown to teach.   One summer, Barbara decided that she wanted to return to school for her Master’s Degree. So, during the summer months, Barbara would spend her time away, working on her Master’s. That is when Barbara met Tom.

Tom was a handsome patent attorney.  He was sweet and charming.  He would visit her in her small town when school was in and she would stay with him during the summer when she was pursuing her master degree.  Two years into the relationship, Tom popped the question.  Again, her family celebrated. They could not believe how wonderfully things were going for Barbara.

Barbara married Tom and moved to the city.  They had three beautiful children.  Barbara became a stay-at-home mom. It was too much to work, taking care of the house and the schedules their three busy girls.   Tom started to travel more and more. He was hardly home. When he was home, he was working.  Barbara tried to be supportive because Tom was a good provider.

One day, Barbara heard the doorbell ring.  “Is Tom home?”

“Tom, there is a young lady at the door for you.”   Barbara shouted.   “Do you want to come in?” she asked the woman. The lady walked into the foyer of the large house.  The little girl standing next to her walked in shyly.

Tom walked into the foyer.  He looked as if he had seen a ghost.  Barbara looked at the child and she looked at Tom.

 

Is There a Cure for the Heart’s Split Ends?

In life, we are all going to face situations that are incredibly difficult. Some of us will not face either of the two above scenarios that I painted for you. Others will face much worse.  So, the burning question: Is there a cure for the heart’s split ends?

Over the course of my life what has worked for me is forgiveness:  Forgiveness of others as well as forgiveness of myself. Yes, I said forgive yourself.  One of the most valuable lessons that I have learned as an adult, is that I am rarely, truly, a victim of anything. I had choices, options, and instincts that I did not follow in most scenarios.

As women, we, especially, tend to rethink each situation and replay, it in our heads, attempting to find  different solutions or antidotes to what has happened.  You need to throw away that record that you keep playing over and over. I am not saying that you should not analyze any situation that you have faced.  You should do that for personal growth. What I am saying is that you should not obsess over it and allow it to steal years of your life.  I have learned that I had to stop doing that and forgive myself for my part in the situation.

As for your past, if your issues started when you were a child, you have to find a way to realize that it was not your fault. If you need to scream it from the roof top until you believe it, just do that.  It is never a child’s fault that a parent is incapable of love, respect, and human decency.  If you have carried that torch around with you all your life like an honor badge, it is time to jump it.  You are not your mother’s tragedy.  You are not your father’s mistake.  You did not ask to be born.  That was a decision that was made by two consenting individuals.

Is There a Cure for the Heart’s Split Ends?

Yes! You cannot allow your children to be victims of circumstances as you pine away for something that you cannot have.  Once the deed is done, it cannot be taken back.  Your mother may never love you as you would like. Your father’s identity may always be a mystery that your mother does not have the decency to share with you. Your husband may always be a cheater. But, your life  does not have to be a tragedy.  Allow it to be theirs through forgiveness of yourself and them!