One of the greatest things about living in a great country like America is the diversity. America is one of the few countries where you can meet someone from all walks of life in a given day. Our workplaces are rich in cultural diversity. Children attend school with other children from different backgrounds and home environments.
While diversity is what makes America such a great melting pot, there can also be a downside — the annoying people that you meet along the way. Most of us have learned the concept of tolerance for the different people that we come across in our lives, but there are others who have not.
Tolerance is noble qualities to have; however, we’ve all those people who do not see tolerance as a necessity. These are the people who would test the patience of Job and probably even cause him to fail.
One Million Question Person
We have all met the person who seems to have a quota for the number of questions they have to ask a day. I know the saying, there is no such thing as a stupid question, but frankly, some people DO ask these types of questions, sometimes they will ask the same question repeatedly but in a different way. For example,
“What are you doing this weekend? So this weekend you are doing this? Over the weekend, do you think that you will enjoy doing this? Is your spouse doing that with you? Does your spouse like doing stuff with you? Will your child go on that trip with you? Did you plan the trip because you wanted to go there?”
Ahh, I don’t have anything to say so I will use Ahh to keep you in the room
We have all had a conversation with someone whose every other word is Ahhhhhh.
“Did you know that ahhhhhh Mary in accounting is having a baby? She will ahhhhhh be on my maternity leave for over three months. I don’t know how ahhhhhh they are going to handle the work load. Ahhhh, I was thinking about pitching an idea to my boss. What ahhh to you think?”
What is wrong with this person? I understand that I went to school in the eighties and the nineties but But, I don’t remember ah, um, or er being legitimate vocabulary. Does saying ahhh (aka an audible pause), 15 to 20 times within a five minute period make you an authority on life? I am aging while you are doing it.
You Know, You Know, You know what I mean
“My child is brilliant in math, you know? My cousin is doing this and that, you know what I mean? I should have got that new job, you know? Your friend should have better insight, you know what I mean?”
No, I don’t know what you mean. In fact, you have said “you know” so many times that I have forgotten what you are talking about. I am just counting the number of times that you have said “you know” in the last 12 minutes that you have been running up my cell phone bill.
I am an expert on this trust me
We have all met the guy who is an expert in everything from car racing to child rearing. Even though he drives a beat up old Buick and gives everyone in the parking lot carbon monoxide poisoning when he drives by. He’s an expert on child rearing even though he has none of his own and has probably not been laid since the sixties.
“So I see you just bought a new SUV, I was reading in car magazine monthly that the tires on that SUV will not wear evenly unless you drive while you are scratching your rear and rubbing the tummy of the guy in the car driving next to you. I know this because I am an expert in car purchasing and maintenance.”
“If you put your child on a strict diet of lentil and mash potatoes, you will raise your child’s IQ by 71 points within 3 months. I know because my mother did that do me in the thirties and now I have an IQ of 603.”
“If Joan were to stack all of her proposals on the left side of her desk, she would find more satisfaction in her marriage. I think the issue with Joan is unhappiness with the way that she is stacking the papers on her desk ahhhh has a direct correlation between her personal and professional life. Do you know what I mean?”
The Name Dropper
Everyone has met someone who thinks that if they drop the name of someone who is more successful than he is then you will be impressed and think he is wiser and richer or more famous or more influential than he actually is.
“I was talking to Tiger Woods the other day about my golf swing. He could not believe that I did not have confidence when I was holding my nine iron. But how could I when I know the world’s best golf player.”
Really dude, you are discussing golf with me. I am still trying to master putt putt.
My children can do better. No she can’t. Yes, she can.
The ultimate of annoying people, my personal pet peeve, is the mother who has to brag about her children and compare them to everyone else’s kids because she lives her phony life through her children.
“My child Sue is reading Shakespeare. My child Tom is coloring between the lines and he is only 6 days old, I know that he cannot sit up or hold his head up but he came out of my womb with a crayon in his hand. The obstetrician that delivered him told me that I should name him Monet because this is the first child that he has seen with a crayon in his hand at birth. My child went to the science fair and Dr. Seuss said she could be the next best thing. She was mixing up red and green DNA for a cat and a beet and came up with a cure for bull sh…..”
Too bad they ran out before they could give her a dose of it.
“ I cannot believe your child is not reading Shakespeare, I was telling my husband last night.”
You just look at her because you know she is lying because her child is the angry little four-year-old kid sitting in the corner plotting his/her first murder and how they are going to stitch his inmate number on orange county donated jumper. And all you can say,” I cannot compare my three month old to your 16 year old. The age gap is too great. “
Dealing with annoying people is a basic part of life. We are going to meet people with whom we just cannot get along. We will find ourselves trapped in a conversation with one of these people. You find these people everywhere; it could be your boss, your in-laws, another parent, a coworker or even a client. So while murder seems like a good option at the time, patience is the best answer. As painful and life-depleting as the moment seems, it is like a kidney stone, eventually it will pass.