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A Fishing Expedition: Where are the Good Guys Hiding?

Finding the perfect husband is often a lot more complicated than it seems. As the fairy tale says: “You’ve got to kiss lot of frogs before you find your prince.” But there are men out there and they are not all frogs! But, you have to know where to look and be prepared to put some time and determination into your quest.

First off let’s ask why are you having trouble finding the right guy? Is it you? Is it your situation? Is it your age? The people you hang out with? The answer to all these questions is: YES!

As Monica Geller from Friends noted: Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?

So let’s look at things that might be holding you back!

If you’re a teacher, most of your friends are likely teachers. If you’re in one of the medical professions, your friends probably work in the same field. More importantly, you probably have the same close friends you’ve had for years. Don’t you see the problem? If you’re looking to meet someone, you’re fishing in the same pool which has been fished out for decades!

Work has limited the possibilities in a number of ways. Not only are you not widening your friendship circle, but you are no longer in school, meeting other students, or going out during weeknights. Work has diminished your pool but also your “fishing time”. By the time you get home from work (and deal with the extra work you’ve brought home that just HAS to be done by tomorrow) you are too tired to go out. And besides, you have to be up so early tomorrow. So Friday and Saturday nights—and probably not both as you have all that work you brought home to finish on the week-end—are all the “fishing time” you’ve got left.

Now that I’ve depressed you with the down side, let’s look at some positives.

You’re relatively young, smart, and attractive. You have a good job and your world of work provides you with the ability to carry on an adult conversation.

Where are you going to meet an interesting man. I’d like to tell you there is a perfect “fishing hole” but, there is no ONE perfect place that every single woman can go and be guaranteed to meet her ideal mate.

Going to parties, or hosting parties is certainly a possibility. Throwing a party, helping to organize a block party or neighborhood BBQ or joining the local PTA are all great ways to get to know people in your community. Don’t assume that every parent or neighbor is married. Given the current divorce stats that’s far from likely. While you are trolling the waters, you’ll get to know the members of your neighborhood or school community and do a little volunteer work besides. It’s all good.

Not a party person? Consider these other great possibilities.

1. Take a Class!
You may laugh but before you discount this consider any class as a good fishing pool. The best ones? Comedy classes!

2. Attend Sporting Events
It helps to know something about whichever sport you decide to pursue. It isn’t a must. Show up. Wear something cute and perky. Enjoy the ambience. Sample the food and drinks. Enjoy the company. No matter what the sport, the stands are full of men of all ages. Start a conversation with nearby fans in the bleachers or while waiting in the beer line. If you’re an athlete why not join a girls’ league or a mixed league? Playing a sport has a built-in socialization. You’ll meet new people and widen the possibilities.

3. Go to Clubs
Please note: I didn’t say seedy bars! Get together a group of friends next week-end and go out to a club that plays your favorite music. If you’re a country and western fan learn to line dance. It’s a great singles mixer. Whether you are interested in the guys in the band or the ones on the dance floor clubs are great place to meet men. Don’t just socialize with the group you came with. Get to know others. Remember that fished out pool?

4. Attend Conferences, Seminars, Symposiums, Meet-and-Greet Events
Meetings, conferences, meet-and-greet functions are filled with bright, ambitious people with good incomes. What better place to look for Mr. Right? Chances are you already have shared ideas and if you’re at the same event. There’s a natural conversation starter.

5. Sign up to Volunteer
If you’re not a party goer or a club attendee, you can volunteer for a worthy cause. Whether it’s a Red Cross Blood Drive, an organ donor meeting or a Habitat for Humanity organizational meeting it’s all good. Where better to meet husband material than at a Big Brothers’ volunteers meeting or a little league coaching seminar?

6. Take up a Special Interest or Hobby:
Whether is a meeting of would-be writers, a meeting of comic book or coin collectors, or a bird watchers group, getting a new interest will widen your social group.

7. Go to Guy Places
Sports clubs, sports bars, gyms, bowling alleys, tennis courts, golf courses are all places guys hang out. Don’t go to discos, fancy-dancy bars and dance clubs if you want to meet an ordinary guy. If you have a special interest in swimming, water skiing, rowing, reading or coin collecting hang out where you will meet guys who share those interests.

8. Attend Car Shows, Auctions, or Races
If you’ve never been to a car show, a race, an auction you don’t know what you are missing. These events are guy magnets. Before you go this route though remember you will be surfing the guy pool that is full of car nuts. If you can’t live with this, don’t go there!

9. Give Online Dating a Try
I know what you are thinking. Looking for a husband online is trolling unknown waters. There’s no telling what kind of kinky guys surf the electronic highway. However, things have changed where meeting a partner online is concerned. Online dating sites are no longer for nerds, dweebs, perverts and losers. Online you will find smart and successful men and women—many of whom have jobs that keep them so busy and travelling that they haven’t the time and opportunity for conventional boy-meets-girl dating. Millions of acceptable date and mate material is available just a mouse click away. Online dating sites have evolved into one of the best ways to meet people. The Internet lets you sift through the ads and read between the lines. Large dating sites like match.com and harmony.com report that there is a high likelihood that you will find a great date if not a partner at one of the online dating sites. The male: female ratio of those who apply is roughly 60:40 so the odds are on the side of the girl.

Don’t Give Up!

Okay. So nothing has happened. This is often the place where women give up. They’ve meet soooo many frogs that they just resign themselves to sharing a can of tuna with their cat. Looking for a good guy requires time and effort and persistence.

As Margot Asquith wrote:
There are big men, men of intellect, intellectual men, men of talent and men of action; but the great man is difficult to find, and it needs—apart from discernment—a certain greatness to find him.

Don’t give up. You won’t catch a fish every time you cast your line. Be patient. Relax. Don’t look or act or even feel needy. They can smell desperation! Happy fishing!

Resources

eHow. Where to Find a Mate. http://www.ehow.com/way_5460430_mate.html

e-ssortment. Five Places to Find a Mate. http://www.essortment.com/5-places-mate-35037.html

Match.com dating sites. http://www.match.ca/cp.aspx?cpp=/en-ca/landing/sem/blonde.html&TrackingID=526341&BannerID=693584

Where to Find Prospective Dates and Mates. http://www.selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client=romance

Where to Meet Mr. Right. http://www.datingfortruelove.com/2011/12/where-to-meet-my-mr-right/

Be the change you'd like to see in the world. Gandhi - Always, Gail

About glennon

Gail is a former teacher, a published writer, and a professional editor. She makes her home in Canada for the summer and Florida for the winter. She loves to write, to travel, and to meet new writers through her editing business. She is thrilled to play a small part in Richly Middle Class. Visit her website at http://www.gleditingandcopywriting.com.

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